SO WHAT IS A SOUL TIE? My definition is when you form a relationship with someone that only exists in your head.  Perhaps you had one of these with MJ back in the early days or Ralph Tresvant growing up. If you’re younger maybe your fantasy love is someone like Mario or Trey Songz. Perhaps your dream guy is the one you’ve been sleeping with lately even though he keeps telling you he’s not ready for a relationship right now. Point is soul ties aren’t a new concept.  For a while now women have created relationships in their mind that the other person knows absolutely nothing about. Of that I’ve been guilty.

We live virtual lives in our heads and in our daydreams – making up fantasies that aren’t real. Case in point.  Me personally – I love photographs and I always have. Before the world of mega pixels I collected tons of photos of family, friends, old co-workers etc. You name it.  My collection also consisted of photos of guys that I’d had sex with.  Not quite like that scene from the Banger Sisters but definitely elaborate. Why the investment of time, energy and film you ask? Well, my photo collection was another way of keeping past relationships (however brief they were) “real.”  I kept them as a sort of a memorial to help me remember them when the actual relationship was over…especially if they were attractive and I never dealt with unattractive guys so that was quite an impressive album.  I guess it was a way to make me feel good about my ability to attract handsome guys. Gotta get your identity from someplace right?

Here’s what I have learned: if you are going to give it up, an attractive guy will take it just as quickly as an ugly one…it’s no testament to your prowess. It doesn’t make you the bomb. It just makes him interested in sex without commitment.  It is highly likely that it won’t result in any long lasting substantive relationship of any kind.  I listen to so many songs boasting about our sexual prowess as women.  Years later I realize those lyrics represent the same lies I was believing. Suggesting my self esteem should come from giving a man sexual pleasure instead of experiencing true pleasure through a relationship with God.  Let’s learn to see our worth from God’s perspective.   When it comes to relationships with men, God’s best is for you to marry a man with His heart ,who will treasure you and protect you like the priceless gift you are.

But what happens when you’ve given in to the lie? And you’ve created these soul ties, memories and long for relationships past? How do you break them?

After I rededicated my life to Christ, I met a guy that I thought I was going to marry.  One thing that he insisted I do was get rid of all my photos of other men.  Ouch!  REALLY?!  I thought about it and decided that it was probably for the best.  I went through all of my pictures and threw out every photo of the guys that were just “trophy” photos.  It was hard because I enjoyed looking at them and part of me was like…what harm is there in keeping them?  I knew that for me, destroying the pictures in a way destroyed the relationship… for good and I felt that this was an significant step for me in putting off my old self.  Since I didn’t have pictures of everyone I’d had sex with I decided to also write down all the names of the guys that I had sexual relations with.  If I was going to throw out my photos I may as well break all soul-ties, or any other kind of ties that may have existed.  I prayed to God for any ungodly bonds to be severed and then I destroyed the list too.  I know that something spiritual happened at that moment because not minutes later this guy that was on my list that I hadn’t seen in months came to my apartment for an impromptu visit!  I just laughed to myself.  He told me that he was thinking about marrying some girl but he couldn’t get me out of his mind.  It was like his last ditch attempt just to see if there was any hope for us.  I basically told him to live long and prosper.

I didn’t end up marrying the guy that I was dating at the time and I am not going to say that I didn’t regret throwing out my pictures but deep down I knew that there was no benefit in possessing them since their purpose didn’t serve any heavenly cause in my life.  Sometime the desires of our flesh don’t serve our spirits in any positive way…probably most times.  If we constantly meditate on the memories of our old sinful lifestyles, there is no room for the abundant life that God wants us to have.  This means the sex.

Take time to examine all of the things in your life that serve no heavenly purpose.  Are they just tokens that have no real value? Idols that bring you comfort outside of the promises of God just holding space until your real blessing shows up?  Truth be told they aren’t place holders. They are blessing blockers; preventing the true blessings that God wants you to have from entering your life.  Do you have soul ties?   They may not be pictures but old letters, emails that you read and re-read, a gift, a stained blue dress, or just reoccurring memories.  Take a look at these things and pray about them.  If it keeps you stuck in a past that will never become beneficial to your future get rid of it.  Leave the past in the past.  Focus on the goodness that exists in God’s word and let His word shape your thoughts, meditations, fantasies and dreams.  Let God’s word shape your future.  Things that are good, pure, lovely, virtuous, praise-worthy – think on these things.  That is how you usher goodness into your life.  Believe me…God’s best is best.

His best for me is a wonderful Godly husband now and great kids. Discover His best for you.

In case you missed it: Check out Confessions of a Promiscuous Girl Part 1