Surprise! This has absolutely nothing to do with the bedroom.

In fact it has everything to do with the heart. I often hear men complain that women are just soo hard to please.
I can’t help but think men no longer do the things they did to get the girl way back when. Could it be they feel they’ve already conquered, won the race. Why stay in shape? Some women are painfully difficult-I know, but don’t let one bad experience taint all women. Perhaps the woman in your life isn’t communicating properly what she really wants. If she seems irritable and passive aggressive it could be you two need to discuss your love languages. She may be starved for something you’re unaware of. Have no fear-the Purple Sky is here to help you out in the name of relationship.

In case you haven’t noticed yet–women want to feel that they are FIRST. Not 2nd, 3rd, not “you already know I love you ” but valued as first (after you and God of course). Ultimately He’s first and that’s not debatable, however a woman needs to feel a sense of priority (provided that she’s your significant one). How can you accomplish this? Remember that little things mean a lot.

1. Give her your undivided attention

Men, this means you’re not good at doing two things at once (i.e. stop texting, get off the internet, turn around and look at me when I’m talking to you.) Sound familiar? Anything else is just rude. You’re not doing us a favor by just “listening.” We like attention-undivided attention and feedback. If she caught you at a bad time-say so. Something like “hey I want to hear everything you have to say but I need like one hour to finish up what I’m doing and after that-its me and you.” When you’re listening: turn around, make eye contact, and be supportive. Get rid of your distractions. Be glad what you think matters to her. When she no longer cares what you think, you have a problem. Connecting and communicating this way will help you maintain your situation.

2. Clear your schedule

Imagine that. “Hey babe-I cleared my schedule and next weekend is alllll yours.” Ask this on a Monday. She will have the entire week to plan and women love to plan. Take it a step further. Suggest ideas you KNOW she wants to do but is secretly scared you would never do, like ” hey, do you still wanna take that salsa dancing class?” OMG Remember she probably does plenty of stuff you like to do that she hates so would it kill you to return the favor? If you’re with her, you’ll have fun and if she’s happy, you’ll be happy. Focus on putting her first, her feelings, not yours at least not during this exercise. It will help you maintain your situation.

3. Plan something fun and adventurous that doesn’t rely on food.

This time tell her to clear her schedule because YOU’VE PLANNED SOMETHING…crickets. She’ll be amazed, excited and impressed. Now she’ll spend the entire week “planning” what she’s going to wear. You’ve introduced the element of surprise and that makes you a winner. Be prepared for a barage of questions. She’s decorating the date in her mind. Envisioning it, imagining it the way all little girls do. As much as men’s love language is generally touch women typically feel loved with Quality Time. Make sure the plan includes leaving the house. If she has to “make herself ready” for something unique and original you’ve done a really good job. We love a good adventure. If you’re married-do this AT LEAST once a quarter. Build a track record. If you’re in the dating phase you might be prone to do it more. Your stock will go up in a major way regardless.

4. Switch up the typical night out.

Now for the food. Of course there’s the old faithful 3 restaurants you like but women typically prefer variety in their dining experience. Food for us is like women watching for you (no disrespect). Honor this fact even if you don’t understand or agree with it. Don’t complain about it either-you’ll kill her buzz. Here’s your chance to look pleasantly powerful by actually being assertive. Have a few suggestions on deck but don’t be married to any one of them which shouldn’t be hard because men typically don’t make much fuss about these things. What she’s looking for are options. Remember we like to shop, which means we like to make choices when we are presented with solid options. If you can provide her with 3 options you’re like a really good waiter or dressing room attendant. If you need some help download the Urban Spoon app to your iphone. Pick up a local dining guide, do some research. Whatever it takes. Just make sure you have some choices on deck (different flavors, moods, and possibly parts of town). Look on the bright side — if you identify the restaurant ahead of time you can pick something on the menu you know you’ll like. You will win and she’ll love the fact that you THOUGHT about it. Now you’re resourceful in her eyes (i.e. useful). Remember, taking her to the same 3 places is boring. Translation=you’re boring. What does this have to do with her feeling first? You gave forethought to her need for quality time and a quality dining experience.

5. Say it-Do it

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, I know but you still have to say it. All together now: “I love you. You’re beautiful” Heck-the appropriately timed expletive when she enters the room can be easily forgiven if its in response to how stunning she looks. Words of affirmation spoken at the right time can be pivotal. And don’t focus only on how she looks. Let her know what you appreciate about her gifts, talents, and spirit. Another way to win–is help her. Do something for her she doesn’t enjoy doing whether its washing the car, cutting the grass, or cleaning up after yourself. Husbands-nothing says I love you like her coming home to a clean house courtesy of you.

Husbands you already know theses things. Its what you did to swoop her up in the first place and if she doesn’t have your last name yet–remember it’s what the next guy will offer her if you don’t maintain your situation…so do yourself a favor… maintain your situation.

Get some ideas with Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages Men’s Edition OR

Get the AUDIO BOOK here: The Five Love Languages: Men’s Edition: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

If you’re SINGLE try: The Five Love Languages Singles Edition